captain of my soul

@captainofmysoul

Secret blog of a shy german film student, editor, colorist and cinephile.

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The fourth person I fell in love with.

The fact that I am unable to form an opinion.

On whether

I really loved you
I did everything wrong
you were my first relationship
you never felt something for me
I will see you again
I hurt you more than you hurt me
all of this was fucking worth it
I want to forget

or not.

I never had so many questions,
conflicting feelings,
no answers.

It's like I'm wandering through a labyrinth and I don't even know if I want to find the exit.

I never felt like this before.
It's scary.
I don't like it.

Is this what life always feels like when you add love, relationships and all those things into the mix?
How long will it take for me to start laughing about this?


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