captain of my soul

@captainofmysoul

Secret blog of a shy german film student and cinephile.

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Building a Friendship

Still between the third and the fourth date.

I guess she did give a shit. First we write on Instagram, then she gets a new phone and we switch to WhatsApp. And we write a lot. At the time I didn’t really have anything else to do, so there were days where I basically did nothing else but write with her. We talk about everything. Art, movies, books, politics, music, so much music, we talked about sex, she’s incredibly open about that topic. I never had a friend like that before, so I enjoy it, it feels exciting and freeing. Sometimes she starts flirting. She might have even given me a compliment once. (Which she might have done no more than another three times ever.) And she sends me partial nudes. The first and only nudes anybody has ever sent me. It was really fucking hot. I feel very flattered by all of it.

She got accepted at the hospital. It’s a special hospital where she can have a room with her kid. She tells me a lot about life as a patient. It’s fascinating, often absolutely hilarious, sometimes it almost reminds me of that Netflix show “Orange is the new black”. How seemingly unimportant things suddenly become very important when you’re “inside”. How there are rumors of girls sneaking out at night to meet with male patients from the forensic ward. She also told me about the different kinds of medicine she has to try. How it often takes weeks to find out if they work or not and how the side effects are often pretty fucking crazy and unexpected. Like the fact that they often affect you libido. Have you ever masturbated 30 times a day?

So this is a time where things get a bit blurry. Lots of things got written. Some I might regret later, a lot I just don’t remember anymore. These are the times I don’t have a chat backup from, so I can’t really check either. I think we didn’t really have any fights. She had a few more breakdowns and she definitely had a lot more that I knew nothing about. A lot of fear of loosing the custody of her kid, etc. I tried to be supportive, I tried to be there and I think I was there a lot. Whenever she needed me. I also told her a lot about my life, about how I was doing, what I felt und thought like. I feel like this is the time she got to know me a lot better too.

This was the time we really became friends. And I wish we still were. I just don’t know if it would make me happier.
So she invited me to visit them in the clinic, so next time I was in my home town, that’s exactly what I did.


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